When god placed on my heart to write a blog, I was scared. I had little confidence in my ability to write or to reach others. The idea kept pressing on my heart until finally I decided, that journaling could be helpful. The first time I hit the word Publish, I grew extremely anxious. What would people think of me? Would people treat me different? What if no one liked it? What if my blog was found hurtful to those who have been in my journey?
The first day after, when I walked down the halls of my job I was surprised. No one treated me different. Everyone loved how open and honest I was????
As I continued to write as I continued, it kept resurfacing: “Thank you for sharing” “Thank you for being so open”
Didn’t they see the part where I was a hot mess? Didn’t they see all the grammatical mistakes this “math” girl was making. I sure did when I went back and reread them.
Social media often makes me think others have it all. Social media has shown me a glimpse of others good days, which I interpreted as the whole truth. Social media if looked at in the wrong lens can make you feel unconnected to everyone.
The truth is I use social media to celebrate the good times so why shouldn’t others? I don’t want my no good very bad days to show up on my timehop??
Somewhere in the middle of writing my blog and sharing out I have discovered…… I need what everyone needs. I need to feel connected to others. I need “honest” relationships with people who are willing to be open and honest with me.
I have always thought strength was found in the ability to stand on my own! Strength was found in being able to support myself financially. Strength was found when I moved 9 hours away to a town where I had no family. Strength was being able to go to work and no one know I was falling apart. Strength was found in having the power to build up walls of isolation.
Thank you! Thank you to all that have reached out. I thought God was pushing me to write my blog to help others… He was also showing me the truth about love, friendships, and connections. He was showing me what fellowship can do! He was showing me that I can’t fill my purpose being a closed book. It takes strength to show your truth! My weakest moments is when I hide my truth!
Truth is I need people! Truth is I have good days and bad days! Truth is I’m still learning to love the girl in the mirror. Truth is, god is always there lighting my path, providing me with strength when I need it the most!
COVID has brought me some time of isolation some time away from social interactions and that’s what I thought I wanted? The truth is!, it’s never what I wanted it’s just my way of protecting myself. I was scared…
I pray that I have the strength to build relationships. I pray that we make connections instead of making comparisons. I pray that we treat each other in a manner that grows us stronger instead of weakening each other. I pray that we all find “our” Truth!
I need isolation No Not Me!
# No Not Me 