Idle

I’ve never been one to make New Year’s resolutions. The thought of coming up with something that inevitably I will fail at sounds horrible. However, recently I have noticed a shift from making resolutions to picking a word. The idea of having one word to focus on for 365 days also seems daunting , but after great debate I have stumbled upon a word. My word is, Idle at least for this month.

Idle as an adjective, means to be lazy. I’m hesitant to admit but a word that was often used to describe me as a child was lazy. I’m also guilty of even calling my own children lazy. EEEK! If your room is not clean, lazy?? Not helping with the dishes, lazy?? Seeing how much you can put in an already overflowing trash can, lazy??

Just because they have other items on their list of higher priority, does not mean that the person is lazy??

Lazy in my eyes is probably one of the worst things you can call me! It’s also probably the descriptor that causes me to judge so many. I got to bring it out into the light. Here are some horrible judgements; I have made on a complete stranger, an individual that I have no idea what they may be going through at the time. A shopping cart left in a parking space, lazy? A magazine left on a chair in doctor’s office, lazy? Trash on the floor of a car that when a person opens the door it falls out, lazy? Not rolling the trash bin from the side of the road for days after trash day, lazy? The list could go on but I believe you get the point.

To counter act my fear of someone calling me lazy or even thinking it, I have some unhealthy behaviors. I go above and beyond at my job, which sometimes give me multiple hats that are ultimately overwhelming.

I’m constantly doing dishes, sweeping the floor and tidying up my house in worry of that unexpected visitor that may come to my house and think, I’m lazy.

The fear of someone thinking I was lazy has definitely impacted my day to day decisions.

Idle used as a verb means to do nothing. This is also a hard task for me. So much research has been done on meditation and the need to quiet the brain. The bible also informs us in many verses the importance of rest.

I’m always striving to improve myself. (My enneagram 8 is showing here) Every morning I have started to read a verse or chapter in my Bible. This brings me encouragement and allows me to start each day on a positive note. I follow my reading by praying. One thing I have such a hard time with though, is spending quiet time with God. I find myself thinking God if you have something to tell me, I need you to hurry up because I need to….. Yikes!

It’s not the quiet that makes me feel on edge, its the fact that I have nothing to distract me from my own thoughts. Often times my own thoughts are filled with negative self-talk, unrealistic thinking, and sabotage of all my hard work and accomplishments. Changing my self talk has been the talk of so many therapy sessions and the root of my anxiety and depression my whole life.

For these reasons I feel idle is the perfect word for me! I’m going to challenge myself not to make judgements of others and myself and be quick to label activities as being lazy. (When they or myself has chosen not to do something that doesn’t mean we are lazy.) I’m also going to challenge myself to have quiet time with God even if its hard.

I’m good at being Idle, NO NOT ME!

New Year’s Resolution, NO NOT ME!

Done Growing, NO NOT ME!