I still remember the first time I went to a therapist, I was around 20 years old. I remember talking about everything and telling him some very upsetting information and not a tear came to my eye. However, the instant he said let’s see you back in two days I broke down to hysterical crying. The realization of the work ahead and the understanding there was no short fix, felt like a “life sentence.”

In my 20s my faith was not strong. I believed in god but there was an overwhelming feeling that he left me. I know now, that he was just waiting for me to open my heart up to him.

The therapy appointments taught me how to do the steps of calming myself down and we discussed a lot of baggage that I continued to carry, and how to put it down. What we never discussed was an option where I would get to the point where the anxiety did not exist.

In my journey of getting closer to god I have learned not to take scripture out of context but in the beginning its very hard to understand the Bible. I tended to just read small chunks which led to some misunderstandings. These misunderstandings confused me on how mental health and faith worked together.

My favorite verse is Romans 15:13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Verses like these, made me believe that as I grew closer to God that my anxiety would be less and that the joy and peace would be greater. Well now I have learned that is also untrue.

I have learned that Mental Health although will not ever go away its not a life sentence. Its a medical issue that I have to address. Although therapy can help me cope with the trauma I have experienced. My body will never forget the trauma. The limbic system activates the fight or flight response and overrides the analytical part. I have a job each time that happens; let the anxiety/depression take over or do the work.

The work is hard! I have learned that this is when I can rely on the Holy Spirit. This is when I can have friends speak and remind me of the truth.

I have given my anxiety the term life sentence but its really just an alarm that tells me to stop. My focus needs to shift. Not on wether or not I will have anxiety but how to live day to day that will help equip me for the times that it does happen.

In Phillippians 4:6 it says : Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.

This once again gives confusion on how Anxiety and God go together but if I keep reading:

Phillippians 4:9. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of Peace will be with you.

This second verse reminds me that trials will come! For me the trials is anxiety but for you it may be something else. When these trials come use the things that I have learned, remember all the ways to grow closer to god, and meditate on his word and then the peace of God will be with me.

In a life Sentence No Not ME!

Done having anxiety No Not Me!

Anxiety means I’m not close to god. No Not Me!

Done learning and growing. No Not Me!

I have not written a blog for awhile now, mostly because I was scared. I was scared to write about the events that have taken place. Scared of the judgement or attention it may bring. Scared of seeing it on paper. Today during church the concept of walking in the light was brought up and it reminded me of why I started my blog. One of the reasons I started my blog was to bring light on the topic of mental health and christianity. Another reason I started my blog was to help me walk in the light. For more years than I would like to admit, I was two people. One person, who put on a front for the world and another one that was falling apart to the point I came home from work and cried because of the weight of wearing a mask all day.

All my life I’ve hidden behind a mask that brought protection, and on my journey I have been challenged to take that mask off. It’s hard to walk in the Light when you hide so much in the dark.

A few months ago my life took a sharp right. Just when I thought things were on the path of getting better. My sharp right began by feeling a level of anxiety that I have never felt before. My body crawled my mind raced and I began to feel hopeless.

I was so confused on how in a blink of an eye I could loose all hope. I was still doing all the things: praying, leading a group, doing daily devotions, and serving. How does Mental Health and Christianity go together??? Can you be hopeless and still have hope in God?? All the ideas, all the worries, all the anxieties kept my brain restless and soon it affected my sleeping habits.

Did I fail at being a “Good” Christian?? Self-doubt, hatred for myself, confusion of where god fit in with Mental Health wore on me.

I wish things improved but instead it ended up in a doctor’s office that ended up in an ER mental health observation facility. To be stripped of all your belongings including your undergarments. To be stripped of your ability to go to the bathroom without someone standing outside of your open door is an experience that I will never forget.

The lack of Respect, Cleanliness and poor treatment in the facility was horrible and something that I hope will change one day. It won’t unless we shine a light on it!!! Mental Illness is just like any other illness it takes doctors, medicine, therapy and we need to stop hiding it.

When my husband had knee surgery everyone knew about it. When I was treated for Anxiety/ Bipolar very few knew. The months after my observation were spent on finding the correct treatment. Just like my husband’s knee where we tried cortisone shots, we tried a surgical clean up, and then ultimately ending in a knee replacement followed up by physical therapy. It took me trial an error. Months of medicine changes, and the tinkering of the idea that I have developed Bipolar, where some rough times that I spent mostly in the dark.

I will say I did reach out to some pretty awesome friends and part of my church family. Which is a great improvement but overall I kept it to myself. It was no ones business but mine, right???

At church we are discussing the book of Romans which has been a learning experience and a way to dig deep into how we as Christians operate on a daily basis. One topic we discussed was, what are your God given gifts and are you using them. What was my god given gift? I prayed and I prayed and one word kept resurfacing: Vulnerability. I’m not sure why or what that meant?

Today when I heard walk in the light, I think I know. I’m not suppose to hide my battles with Mental Health. I’m not suppose to hide my battles with the world’s stigmatism of Mental Health. I’m not suppose to hide my battles of understanding how I can lose hope but still have a hope of Christ in my life.

During the last few months I have wanted to ignore God’s push for me to keep sharing. I wanted to hide his light and the work that he’s doing in me everyday!

I’m here to say loudly and proudly! Mental Health and Christianity can coincide. You can have hope that God will get you through when you have no hope in yourself. You can allow God’s love in when you are questioning your own love for yourself.

What are you hiding in the darkness? What are you trying to convince yourself that it belongs in the darkness?

I am a Christian, I am a mom, I am a wife, I am a friend, I am a person who struggles with Mental Health, I am a person who may have Bipolar. I am someone who is navigating Mental Health with God supporting me every step of the way!

God skipped over me. NO NOT ME!

I’m okay with being Vulnerable and walking in the Light. NO NOT ME!

Done Learning on how to bring GOD’s Glory into every situation. NO NOT ME!

It’s been on my mind to share what turned me away from being a Christian for half of my adult years. People!!

I remember as a child learning about the bible and learning about all his miracles. I’m sure most people know the popular stories: Adam and Eve, Noah’s Ark, Jonah and the whale and so many more. These stories attracted me to this magical person known as god.

All those stories did not allow me to see the whole picture. When it was time to dig into the Bible and learn as an adult, I had already lost interest. Why did I hate god? Why was I upset that he didn’t rescue me? Why did I think God did not love me? The answer is People!

I remember the first time someone told me that God wouldn’t give me what I couldn’t handle, I was around the age of 18. I’m am a very literally person. What I heard sent me into a spiral of thoughts and feelings. I heard that God gave me: mental abuse, god gave me physical abuse, god gave me sexual abuse and he gave it to me because I was strong.

I think a part of me has been trying to live up to that expectation for years. I thought god wanted me to be strong, he wanted me to fight and that’s how I would get closer to him. I thought if I only made him proud enough he would love me! Looking back now I see the ridiculous of my thoughts but I also see how that statement; he only gives you what you can handle has shaped me!

I chose to be the strong daughter, the strong friend, the strong sister, the strong girlfriend. The problem was inside I was weak. Inside I was lost. The problem is that I felt like the people around me liked and needed strong Lorie. So I kept doing it! I kept hiding my inner feelings, I kept showing my strength meanwhile dying on the inside.

I didn’t feel closer to God!

I would go to churches and listen to people describe their relationship with god meanwhile, mine was failing. All the things I thought I was doing for god and he still didn’t care. I was told as a child that my earthly father just had a hard time showing his love. So maybe my heavenly father did as well? Or maybe I was unloveable.??

Did I read the bible? Nope! I never understood it and honestly the old saying, actions speak louder than words rang so true. God wasn’t showing up so my journey with him was pointless!

Then I moved south, the bible belt capital!!! A place where Christianity is prevalent.

Then I met Carlton and started my journey into a Mixed Marriage and once again People shaped my thoughts.

People showed me that Christians are liars! They say things like we are all God’s People and then turn their backs to people who look different than them. I dare you to find a mixed church, especially in the south.

People showed me that I didn’t need church, I didn’t need fellowship I was strong and could do it alone!!

I’m sure you see the common theme people!

What is shaping your decisions to be or not to be a christian? What is shaping how you interact with the world? What is shaping how you handle situations?

Unknowingly I have attracted people to me because of my strength (which I am not). Unknowingly I have attracted people to me that had similar beliefs that helped feed into my hatred of god. Unknowingly people shaped me into a confused Christian wanting more.

Are people bad? No? Are people purposely guiding me away from god? Most of the time no.

Don’t let the actions of others, the words of others decided if you are going to have a relationship with god! Along the way you know who I never gave a chance? God! You know who I never allowed myself a relationship with? God! It wasn’t until I started reading the Bible, it wasn’t until I opened my heart to the thought that what I thought about God was wrong, It wasn’t until I showed others my true character.

God does not put you in situations that he knows you can handle because you are strong!

God doesn’t give you things he knows you can handle!

People are sinners, people are confused, people are trying to interpret their own struggles, people just want to be loved, successful, and happy. No one gave me bad advice on purpose. No one told me to be strong! No one told me god didn’t love me! I decided those things on my own. But what I did do was give people the power to persuade my decision about God.

What steps are you taking to get closer to God? What steps are you taking to decide if you believe? Are you basing your decision on People or on God?

I am unloveable NO NOT ME!

I have to earn love NO NOT ME!

I allow People to interfere with my relationship with God NO NOT ME!

I am strong enough to do it all by myself NO NOT ME!

During my last counseling session, we discussed self-forgiveness. When I make any mistakes (no matter how large or how small) I tend to go through 3 steps of self- sabotage. Step 1: get mad at myself “how could I be so stupid” Step 2: I analyze whatever I did and how could I avoid it next time. Step 3: I work on improving myself and somehow make myself better to handle the situation next time.

Learn from your mistakes? Where does self-forgiveness fit in?

As I discussed with my therapist how I blamed myself for the abuse I received as a child. I explained how I was treated differently than my sisters. I must have done something. My therapist abruptly stopped me and said “Lorie let’s pretend for a moment that you did do something wrong. What would you say to someone who did something wrong?”

I would tell them its okay that we all make mistakes and help them. She then asked if I ever gave myself that advice?

Then it dawned on me I have Never practiced self-forgiveness in fact I didn’t know that was a thing. You make a mistake = You fix it so it will never happen again.

After the session I immediately fell back to old habits. Negative thoughts rushed to my head: how could I be so stupid, great- another thing I do wrong, was the abuse my fault?, and shame.

These thoughts lead me to distance myself from others……again. Didn’t want them to realize/see how stupid I was. For a few days I stewed over everything..

Until, I made a mistake. I do not believe that God causes bad things to happen but I do believe that he can use everything for his purpose.

After a busy day at work I rushed home to change clothes get a quick bite to eat and relax for just a moment. Then, I had to go back to work for 5th grade ceremony. I stepped outside to see a car parked along side the road directly behind my driveway. I spoke to Carlton about how odd it was especially since my neighbor had not moved in yet. Gave him a kiss and got into my car. Looked in the rear-view and then looked at back-up camera; still puzzled by the car. Looked left, looked right and then backed right into the parked car. In just a few seconds I totally forgot the car was there. Too much on my brain I guess. Carlton was still standing on the porch and heard the bang.

My immediate thought, how could I be so stupid? Carlton’s immediate reaction, are you okay? its okay Lorie accidents happen that’s why we have insurance. I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t mad at me. I was mad at me! As I fought back tears I noticed my car was dented and so was theirs ,now I was furious at myself. After waiting for the police I arrived at the ceremony late. Everyone had the same response as Carlton? Was I okay? It’s okay Lorie, we all do it. Some even shared stories of times they backed into things.

When I arrived home from graduation I lost it. Why was everyone being nice? My reaction was was a learned response rooted from years of abuse not love. I prayed to god asking for forgiveness, love, and wisdom. As tears rolled down my face, I was comforted. It was as though I heard him say: Forgive yourself Lorie because we already have.

Good at self-forgiveness No Not Me

Done fighting old habits. No Not Me

Unforgivable No Not Me

One of the hardest part of my journey is the desire to be in control and getting what I want! Which I think is true for many people.

My desire, to be in control started at a young age. As a child, I felt like so many other children, out of control. My parents made a lot of decisions for me. Like most parents do. However, I didn’t trust their ability to make decisions, and so I fought every one of them. Some silly things I wanted to control as a child, the length of my hair and wardrobe. They wanted me to wear dresses and have long hair. As an adult I know that they just wanted me to fit in, they thought it made me pretty, they thought it would stop others from picking on me, like they were picked on as a child.

Although they chose things for me out of love, I saw it as a battle of control. I was determined to win control. I thought if I cut my hair I was in control. If I never wore dresses I was in control.

However, doing the opposite of everything they wanted was giving them control.

Yesterday while getting my hair cut the lady asked what I wanted. Which is the usual question. However, this was the first time. I was honest. My answer, I don’t know.

I don’t know? I don’t know what it means to be in control?

At a recent therapy session, we discussed a situation that has been on my mind and after I described the situation the therapist asked. What do you want? I was so worried about controlling the situation I never thought what I actually wanted.

In my journey to getting closer to God I have read the bible, prayed regularly, went to church regularly, served, went to a bible group. What I haven’t done was given God control.

Why was giving God control so difficult? I knew that he was more equipped and able to make decisions than I was. Romans 8.6 says the mind governed by flesh is death, but the mind governed by the spirit is life and peace. I want peace?

Putting the control in god’s hands will bring me peace? I pray for answers and direction all the time but deep down my hope is that God will agree with me.

Recently I was quickly placed back in the classroom with 5th graders. 5th graders are a true example of wanting control. One day while speaking with a child in the hall I found myself telling him he needed to trust me. I wanted him to know that I had his best interest at heart. Then….It dawned on me, did I trust God? Why did I struggle with trusting god? I think my trust issues began when god didn’t stop bad things from happening.

Trust doesn’t mean everything will be great?? Trust means to believe they are telling the truth. God never said life would be easy. In John 16.33 it says you will have trouble but take heart I have overcome the world.

So my focus needs to shift. I need to start trusting that others (who love me) have my best interest in heart. Trusting them doesn’t mean I won’t get hurt. Trusting them doesn’t mean life will be easy. Trusting ,that those close to me, love me!

God loves me! God’s not going to give me what I want, he’s going to give me what I need! What I need to be a good disciple, what I need to show his love to others, and what I need to grow closer to him.

Praying: god I want you in control, I need you to be in control! I don’t need to control everything.

I am in control: NO NOT ME!

Done Learning: NO NOT ME!

Like giving up control: NO NOT ME! BUT it is time…

At church we have been studying the books of James. In James chapter 5 it discusses spiritual weaknesses/sicknesses. We were given the visual of someone in a pit and having to reach up for help. When we are physically ill we take medicine, we go to the doctor, and we pray for healing. Mental emotional and spiritual sickness we tend to conceal.

Recently I reached rock bottom, again. Although this was far from being the first time, it wasn’t any easier. I immediately felt ashamed, defeated, and exhausted. I will be 45 years old in January. The thought of having to do the work again made me ill. I had a choice reach my hand up out of the pit or stay in the pit.

Obviously, reaching up should have been the immediate choice but it wasn’t. Being in the pit is easier.

I wish I could say it gets easier to get out, but it doesn’t. The pit provides some kind of comfort. It provides distance from others. It’s easy to sit and have a pity party for yourself. The problem with the pit it is lonely, it keeps the pain in and blocks love out. Walls trap the hurt and holds the pain in.

The old saying it takes a village to raise a child also reins true for getting out of a pit. It takes a village for spiritual, mental, and emotional health.

I use to think needing people was a weakness. I also thought needing others made me vulnerable to get hurt again. (If you stay in a pit, you can’t fall into another one?) God designed us to need each other and to learn from each other, so that we become the people God created us to be. I am stronger with my tribe than I am alone.

For years I chose doing life alone. I even convinced myself that I was incapable of finding a group. I was incapable of opening up to others. When really I was scared and choosing to stay in the pit.

It took years of doing the work, but when I made the choice to find my village God guided every step. God doesn’t say it will be easy but he does promise to be with you every step of the way.

So how do you get your village that will guide you out of the pit? Here is how I got mine.

Step 1: Make the choice (no excuses, no waiting until you are healthy because it won’t happen)

Step 2: Go to the doctor and listen to their recommendations (Take the medicine, get the bloodwork, go to the therapist etc.)

Step 3: Connect with God (Let him in, pray on next steps, read the bible)

Step 4: Do things you do not want to do( go to church and get involved, join a group, go to social events, go to your friend’s house)

Step 5: Keep showing up!

Step 6: Be Vulnerable (let people see the real you, let them see that you are struggling)

Step 7: Allow your tribe, your chosen family to pull you out by simply raising your hand. Allowing God to light your path.

The road of life is full of pits, some larger than others, some unsurpassable. No one can get you out of the pit. God will not get you out of the pit unless you reach out to him.

The choice is yours!

Stay in the Pit, NO NOT ME!

At my church we have been having “Summer Stories” where several couples have shared their testimonies. I have gotten so much out of each and everyones’ stories. So many of the stories carried common themes of struggles, hope, and growth. One underlying theme that kept surfacing to me was the vulnerability that each couple showed and how their vulnerability brought me closer to them but also allowed me to feel “normal”.

Allowing others to see the “True” Lorie has always been difficult, but why? Why is Vulnerability such a scary concept to most?? As I dig into past experiences here are some reasons why I have learned not to be vulnerable.

1. I remember growing up how I watched my parents act one way at home and another completely different way in public. I learned quickly that I too need to hide my true self. I was loud at home but at school I never spoke. I remember one time my mom went to a parent conference where the teacher told my mom I was very quiet. My mom’s response was: Lorie??. (My fellow colleagues would probably not refer to me as a quiet person now lol)
2. Social interactions have always been extremely awkward to me because I was hiding. Hiding my hurt, hiding my personality, hiding me. Trauma taught me that I was unloveable, it taught me that I didn’t belong. The devil took those teachings and has spoken these untruths to me in my day to day life.
3. An administrator of mine once told us to Fake it to we Make it. We had just gone over a new practice and knew it was going to be a rough start. We were instructed to Fake our insecurities and not let the kids know we were hesitant.
4. Social Media is used for celebrations and boasting. It doesn’t take long of scrolling to realize if you are struggling you must be the only one.

This is my first post in awhile, mainly because I forgot my “Why.” I started looking at how many or how few of people actually were reading them. I also looked back at past posts and found so many errors that it confirmed my thought that I wasn’t a writer. After several months and after listening to others share their stories I remember my Why. I write so I can process my life, I write so that others may see my vulnerability and find comfort, and most importantly I write to show how God can use and change everything!!

My challenge to you and to myself is to continue to be vulnerable. Dare to let others know when you are having a bad day! Dare to show them the true you! Most importantly dare to share how God has transformed you and continues to transform you!

Afraid to be Vulnerable: NO NOT ME!

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My recent prayer has been about what my nexts step should be. I remember the day I made a choice to change. At my very first therapy session, my therapist asked; “Why are you here?” I said with tears in my eyes “I was my father”. From that point on I have worked tirelessly to become someone different!

My journey has been full of reflective time spent finding things wrong and doing everything I can to change it.

I’m proud of all the hard work I’ve put in! I’m not the same scared, hurt, lost, little girl I was 20 years ago. As soon as I “fix” something I’m onto the next task.

I lifted the last sticky, of what I needed to change. So I’ve been asking God for weeks about my next task. I keep getting the same message back. A message that confuses me.

He’s told me to Stop it!

I convinced myself that the voice of the devil was in my head. Growing closer to god and becoming like him, isn’t that what I’m suppose to be doing???

The weather has started to warm up, so women are pulling out the dresses. Some have even asked me, Why I don’t ever wear dresses. Maybe that’s it, I need to change my wardrobe. My hate of dresses is linked to abuse. Maybe that’s my next task. Buying dresses?

God “Stop it”

Swimsuit season is around the corner and I have neglected my exercise regiment and have gained weight. Maybe I need to work on honoring my body as God’s temple and start taking better care of it.

God “Stop it”

This morning sitting on my couch watching T.V. looking at the pile of dishes that have been in my sink since Thursday or the laundry that has piled up, thinking I have no motivation. Maybe God is telling me I need to rest/rejoice my accomplishments. So I reached out to a friend, What are 3 words to describe me? Maybe her words would somehow reassure me that I’ve done well. Determined, reflective were the first two. Fixing myself has been my focus for so long maybe its become my next addiction?

God “Stop it”

Stop looking for Flaws. I love you! I designed you!

I can grow closer to God without changing. I can read the Bible, I can pray, and I can learn from the examples he has given me, but I do not need to constantly revamp myself. I’m worthy of his love and the love of others.

Am I done learning? No Not Me!

I need another task. No Not Me???

If I’m focusing on changing me then, I’m missing what God’s purpose might be?

And then it came clear: Gods Got me!

I can stop controlling.

I can stop focusing on my flaws.

I can stop and let God take the wheel.

I don’t know what God has in store for me but I can trust that he will reveal it to me when the time comes and for now.

I need to Stop it!

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Everyday we have tons of choices to make and its very tempting to pick the easier option. Is easier always better?

I love to watch Shark Tank and am amazed by the creativity some people have. Most inventions featured on the show have one feature in common. Most inventors are looking to invent something to make our life easier.

The invention of microwaves has provided speed and made cooking so much easier. I can think of so many items if put in the microwave, don’t taste better than cooking on a stove or baking: chicken nuggets, frozen pizza, hotdogs, and the list goes on.

It’s easy to find faults in inventions, but it’s harder to find faults in our life choices.

When I share my story, I often hear how did you get through all that. The answer is easy, I built walls of protection and I stopped feeling. I couldn’t control the actions of those around me, but I could control my emotions. The problem with stopping emotions is that your life becomes robotic and it becomes impossible to even enjoy good emotions.

Building walls and stopping my emotions made my life harder. I make steps everyday to become more like my creator. I have put in the work, in hopes that it will make my life easier.

At first life seemed to be doing just that getting easier. Until….. the first roadblock.

I got in a disagreement with my husband. Old Lorie had experienced much worse. So why did the argument rock me from my core. You see in all the work I had done. I slowly have become to feel. Hurt, pain, embarrassment all things I blocked out for so long. My feelings were hurt!

The devil pounced and reminded me it would be easier to return the walls that kept me safe for so long.

I don’t want to feel! I can’t allow myself to be hurt again!

It would be easier to just go to church and not serve. It would be easier to say no to events that put me out of my comfort zone. It would be easier to not share my experiences. It would be easier to build up walls instead of feeling pain.

What are you facing? Are you choosing the easy choice or the choice that brings you closer to God?

Taking the easy road? No Not Me!

How many times have you thought you were not qualified? In a recent training the statement was made if your dreams don’t scare you then you’re not dreaming big enough. My dreams are always very realistic always very safe. So my analytical brain started thinking, why is that? It boils down to two words, Not Qualified.

Words from my childhood haunt me. Childhood trauma has had it grips on me. I thought if I let the anger go I would be okay. But that left a hole. God filled that hole. Then, God quickly revealed to me that I need to forgive those who hurt me which allowed my walls to slowly come down, but then something still seemed missing.

I’ll be honest I’ve been feeling like quitting on this journey of improvement. I’m just tired. So I’ve been trying to just enjoy the now, and be Idle with God. I have spent the last few weeks trying to improve my quiet time with god. I thought I was unqualified to sit quiet. Quickly God revealed to me that I needed to forgive myself. The missing piece?

A friend of mine asked me, “What does forgiving yourself mean?” I have no idea? So I started praying. God what does it mean to forgive myself?

It’s funny how God answers your prayers. He doesn’t give you a written note, he doesn’t snap his fingers and your problem is solved but often times he sends you messages through people, television, books, etc.

A thought that kept resurfacing is I’m not Qualified. I haven’t forgiven myself for being not qualified. If you could have seen my face, when he put that on my heart. Thanks God, everything is now clear as mud.

Over time I realized….

I was not qualified to be the protector of my sisters at a young age. -So I made unwise word choices and actions.

I was not qualified to deal with sexual abuse. -So I became a selfish friend and suicidal.

I was not qualified to become a wife after having a bad role model of relationships. -So I raise my voice and get hostile when I make a mistake.

Every time I did something and made a complete mess of everything it lowered my self-esteem even more. It gave me another reason to hate myself.

Work is where I feel confident. Why? I feel more qualified. I feel its been my gift from God. I don’t feel like it was my years at college, so what was it?

It was my years of being “not qualified“.

I went to school as a kid, wanting to be seen, wanting someone to see how lost and hurt this quiet girl was. Fast Forward: I became a teacher who strived to truly see my students.

I went to college and was unqualified to be a good friend, a good girlfriend, and had some pretty selfish behaviors. Fast Forward: I became a teacher who strived to make students feel like everyone is important and everyone is special.

I came from a home where I wasn’t always safe. Fast Forward I became a teacher that realized students come from all different kinds of trauma and I can offer them a safe place.

You see lessons of my life, lessons I learned while being not qualified, god used.

God can use our flawed self for some amazing things! I’m not qualified to be perfect, but if I let God take the wheel he will turn my flaws into a purpose.

God doesn’t expect me not to make mistakes! His love for me is unconditional, and its about time I started loving me too!

I am unloveable, No Not me!

I’m qualified, No Not Me!

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