I’ve never been one to make New Year’s resolutions. The thought of coming up with something that inevitably I will fail at sounds horrible. However, recently I have noticed a shift from making resolutions to picking a word. The idea of having one word to focus on for 365 days also seems daunting , but after great debate I have stumbled upon a word. My word is, Idle at least for this month.

Idle as an adjective, means to be lazy. I’m hesitant to admit but a word that was often used to describe me as a child was lazy. I’m also guilty of even calling my own children lazy. EEEK! If your room is not clean, lazy?? Not helping with the dishes, lazy?? Seeing how much you can put in an already overflowing trash can, lazy??

Just because they have other items on their list of higher priority, does not mean that the person is lazy??

Lazy in my eyes is probably one of the worst things you can call me! It’s also probably the descriptor that causes me to judge so many. I got to bring it out into the light. Here are some horrible judgements; I have made on a complete stranger, an individual that I have no idea what they may be going through at the time. A shopping cart left in a parking space, lazy? A magazine left on a chair in doctor’s office, lazy? Trash on the floor of a car that when a person opens the door it falls out, lazy? Not rolling the trash bin from the side of the road for days after trash day, lazy? The list could go on but I believe you get the point.

To counter act my fear of someone calling me lazy or even thinking it, I have some unhealthy behaviors. I go above and beyond at my job, which sometimes give me multiple hats that are ultimately overwhelming.

I’m constantly doing dishes, sweeping the floor and tidying up my house in worry of that unexpected visitor that may come to my house and think, I’m lazy.

The fear of someone thinking I was lazy has definitely impacted my day to day decisions.

Idle used as a verb means to do nothing. This is also a hard task for me. So much research has been done on meditation and the need to quiet the brain. The bible also informs us in many verses the importance of rest.

I’m always striving to improve myself. (My enneagram 8 is showing here) Every morning I have started to read a verse or chapter in my Bible. This brings me encouragement and allows me to start each day on a positive note. I follow my reading by praying. One thing I have such a hard time with though, is spending quiet time with God. I find myself thinking God if you have something to tell me, I need you to hurry up because I need to….. Yikes!

It’s not the quiet that makes me feel on edge, its the fact that I have nothing to distract me from my own thoughts. Often times my own thoughts are filled with negative self-talk, unrealistic thinking, and sabotage of all my hard work and accomplishments. Changing my self talk has been the talk of so many therapy sessions and the root of my anxiety and depression my whole life.

For these reasons I feel idle is the perfect word for me! I’m going to challenge myself not to make judgements of others and myself and be quick to label activities as being lazy. (When they or myself has chosen not to do something that doesn’t mean we are lazy.) I’m also going to challenge myself to have quiet time with God even if its hard.

I’m good at being Idle, NO NOT ME!

New Year’s Resolution, NO NOT ME!

Done Growing, NO NOT ME!

In a recent church service we discussed idols and the statement that everyone has idols was made. My mind immediately went racing, what was my idol? Sure since Covid, I have watched more T.V. than I would like to openly admit, but I didn’t feel like that was stopping or interfering with my relationship with god. So I started praying for him to show me my idol, and God did just that. He revealed to me that my idol was the victim card.

Shortly after graduating college I was in a car accident ending up with a totaled car and a foot broken in 3 places. I remember the pain of them trying to put the bones back in alignment so they could cast my foot. I remember thinking “I never want to go through this again”. I’m so glad they are putting a cast on my foot so it will heal and be protected.

I wore the cast around for 6 weeks. I got real comfortable with the fact my foot was in a cast, but I still could do day to day functions. I was also appreciative of the fact that this cast, also got me out of a few things.. I never learned how to swim as a child and every summer its pool time. Sure, I have learned a few things through the years and can do a few basics (enough to make me feel comfortable in a pool), but it’s always embarrassing for people to know that I really don’t swim. With this cast, I had the perfect excuse from every pool party, the perfect excuse for not putting on a swimsuit. Body image is another huge issue for me.

The victim card is like that cast. It has protected me while I healed. I try not to play the victim card around others. I hate it, when I see someone playing a victim card. But man does the victim card show up in my daily thoughts: Sure the victim card is uncomfortable. Sure it means that I have to keep bringing up the past. But it stops me from breaking again, right?

If I’m a victim than I can excuse myself out of so many things. I mean haven’t I earned the right to be a victim card carrier??

I scream at my son: “Lorie it’s okay you didn’t mean to, you were modeled this behavior for so many years

Judging others: “Lorie it’s okay you are only judging them so you won’t get hurt again.

The scary truth I have grown to love the victim card. My constant reminder to myself of how I have been done wrong, a constant reminder to always keep a barrier between myself and the world. My cast of protection.

It never dawned on me that it was also creating a barrier between me and god. Old habits are hard and I am going to have to be purposeful every day!!! Its a choice I have to make daily! I must stop focusing on the past and start focusing on all the blessings god has given me…

A victim doesn’t have the blessings I have! God has blessed me beyond belief.

Have a hole: I’ll fill it! Feeling lonely: I’ll give you a church family Low self-esteem: I’ll open doors for you. Family issues: I’ll give you the best family you could ask for……..etc…..etc…

I must be as purposeful as I was to keep the victim card as I am to get rid of it! Old habits are hard and I’m sure I’ll stumble… I’m so glad I have a forgiving god. A god always there putting the bones back in position.

My past does not define me. My past does not protect me. My past does not make me stronger. Its time to take the cast off!!

What are you holding on to? What are you allowing to get in between you and god?

I am a victim: No Not Me!

I won’t have to work at it daily: No Not Me!

I need a cast of protection: No Not Me!

When god placed on my heart to write a blog, I was scared. I had little confidence in my ability to write or to reach others. The idea kept pressing on my heart until finally I decided, that journaling could be helpful. The first time I hit the word Publish, I grew extremely anxious. What would people think of me? Would people treat me different? What if no one liked it? What if my blog was found hurtful to those who have been in my journey?

The first day after, when I walked down the halls of my job I was surprised. No one treated me different. Everyone loved how open and honest I was????

As I continued to write as I continued, it kept resurfacing: “Thank you for sharing” “Thank you for being so open”

Didn’t they see the part where I was a hot mess? Didn’t they see all the grammatical mistakes this “math” girl was making. I sure did when I went back and reread them.

Social media often makes me think others have it all. Social media has shown me a glimpse of others good days, which I interpreted as the whole truth. Social media if looked at in the wrong lens can make you feel unconnected to everyone.

The truth is I use social media to celebrate the good times so why shouldn’t others? I don’t want my no good very bad days to show up on my timehop??

Somewhere in the middle of writing my blog and sharing out I have discovered…… I need what everyone needs. I need to feel connected to others. I need “honest” relationships with people who are willing to be open and honest with me.

I have always thought strength was found in the ability to stand on my own! Strength was found in being able to support myself financially. Strength was found when I moved 9 hours away to a town where I had no family. Strength was being able to go to work and no one know I was falling apart. Strength was found in having the power to build up walls of isolation.

Thank you! Thank you to all that have reached out. I thought God was pushing me to write my blog to help others… He was also showing me the truth about love, friendships, and connections. He was showing me what fellowship can do! He was showing me that I can’t fill my purpose being a closed book. It takes strength to show your truth! My weakest moments is when I hide my truth!

Truth is I need people! Truth is I have good days and bad days! Truth is I’m still learning to love the girl in the mirror. Truth is, god is always there lighting my path, providing me with strength when I need it the most!

COVID has brought me some time of isolation some time away from social interactions and that’s what I thought I wanted? The truth is!, it’s never what I wanted it’s just my way of protecting myself. I was scared…

I pray that I have the strength to build relationships. I pray that we make connections instead of making comparisons. I pray that we treat each other in a manner that grows us stronger instead of weakening each other. I pray that we all find “our” Truth!

I need isolation No Not Me!

I have tried to write this blog several times and I just couldn’t find the words to express the last few weeks. The rollercoaster of emotions is hard to understand and even harder to explain to someone else. One of my husbands favorite Westerns is the Good the Bad and the Ugly with Clint Eastwood. This title represents many of my emotions during this time of social distancing; a time when my thoughts have consumed me.

The Good:

I’m proud of myself!!! A phrase that has taken 43 years to say! I have put in the work! It would have been easier, for me to give up, and it would have been easier for me to keep up my walls of protection. I have pushed ahead and dealt with my emotions head on! I love the song Well Done by the Afters. The song begins by saying: What will it be like when my pain is gone and all the worries of this world just fade away. ……… Well Done my good and faithful one….. Well done. I’m not sure what God will say to me but the thought of him saying Well done brings joy to my heart. I’ve done a lot of wrong in my life, but I’m finally proud of my decisions. I am becoming a better me! I pray that I am growing in a way that God thinks, well done!

The Bad:

This summer has been full of Triggers. A trigger to me is something that abruptly stops me in my tracks and I instantly become a scared little girl. The little girl is irrational and full of so much hurt and anger. In an instance all my hard work disappears and I forget everything that I have learned in my journey. Sticks and Stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt me couldn’t be further from the truth. The scared little girl remembers so many things that have been said to her. She forgives those who hurt her, but she can’t seem to forget. That scared little girl pulls away from god, from those who she loves. She is just lost and hurt!

The Ugly:

The fact that the little girl still shows up, terrifies me!!! The devastating effects of childhood trauma scares me!!! I am tired, my past has worn me down and I have times where I just want to throw in the towel. I just want to have a tantrum where I kick and scream, how unfair life is, why can’t I just get what I want!!!!!! Why can’t I reach a point of healing.

Through the good the bad and the ugly I know that god loves me and he will get me through it. I may not have the strength, but he does! While sitting at the beach watching the waves I am awed by God’s beautiful wonder. I am also reminded that waves may knock me over and at times the tide will be high, but low tide will come!

God left me. NO NOT ME!

May is Mental Illness awareness month. #Stop the Stigma. Mental Illness is something viewed differently than a cut, a broken bone, or other physical conditions. This stigma causes so many to suffer alone.

I remember when I was first diagnosed: Anxiety Disorder with depression. I remember the overwhelming feeling. A feeling of hopelessness. A feeling of shame. How did I get here? Was I born this way? Was it environmental? Was this diagnosis something I would always have?

Mental Illness has a lot of unknowns. It’s not cut and dry when it comes to medicine, therapy, and treatments. It’s a game of trial and error. The first medicine I was put on stopped me from being able to cry. The second medicine I was on made me jittery. The third medicine made me feel like a robot. It took 20 years of trying different medications before I came to a medicine that was effective for me.

During this exploration of medicines, I also explored therapies. I have had 3 very different therapist all who I needed at different times in my life. One who was very honest and called me out on my irrational thinking. One who taught me breathing techniques and ways to calm the chaos. One who gave me strategies on how to communicate and interact with others.

I share this journey with you, to let you know. Mental Illness is not something you can just get over.

Mental Illness made me ashamed of who I was! Mental Illness began my tactful art of hiding my true self. I have become a master of putting on a mask and going out into the world. I have at times even tricked myself into thinking I didn’t have a problem. However, this mask wore me out.

Anxiety to me is: * It feels as though I have hundreds of bugs crawling under my skin and I just want to get them out! *You know the thoughts that run in your head are ridiculous but you can’t break it. *Being afraid all the time, but not knowing why? *Anxiety and depression has made me suicidal. Often people think suicide is selfish. Suicide to me was my way to stop hurting others! It was a way for me to no longer be a burden to those who I loved. *Embarrassing, what if others knew the true me?

I can not count the number of times after a day of hiding, I laid on the bathroom floor crying, rocking myself. I laid on the floor because I thought I was unworthy of sitting in a chair and the most uncomfortable disgusting place, I could come up with was the bathroom floor. I felt unworthy of anyone’s love.

It’s hard to be Vulnerable!! It’s easy to build walls of protection and wear armor! Being Vulnerable opens a person up to being attacked and is why so many keep Mental Illness a secret. Every 30 minutes someone in the world is committing suicide! Not talking about it, can make those going through it feel like it’s wrong.

I pray that the world one day will view Mental Illness the same as other disorders. I pray that we start talking about Mental Illness more and stop hiding behind a fake smile. I pray that we all are able to be more vulnerable and allow others to see the true version of us! Vulnerability creates opportunities to connect, something we all need.

When you hide from others, you develop strategies to become numb in front of others. When you numb the grief, you numb the joy, and then you numb everything! I want to feel again!

In my journey I have learned so much! Some bad habits are hard to break! Some days I falter! Some I prevail!

Ashamed of my Mental Illness: NO NOT ME

Unable to be Vulnerable: NO NOT ME

I want to live in isolation: NO NOT ME

• 

Envy according to Webster dictionary: “Envy is an emotion which occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.”

Envy plays a huge role in my addiction “No Not Me” and something I still struggle with today!

I grew up in a house with 4 girls with completely different wants, passions, strengths, weaknesses, and purpose in life. I believe that envy often first takes place among siblings. I remember my mom saying, “Life’s not Fair.” Even though I knew things were not always going to be fair, I longed for them to be!

Many view Envy as a sin. How can an emotion be a sin? I feel no emotion is wrong and we need to give ourselves permission to feel them. Anger, Love, Envy, Frustration, Fear, Jealousy, Compassion, etc. It’s not the emotion that is wrong its your actions. It’s your decision on how to respond to your emotion.

My reaction to envy is not always wise. My emotions are often based on past experiences. In my journey I have buried my emotions deep down until they explode at home in an un-lady like format of me screaming and cussing (just keeping it real).

I am moving to changing that. I want to acknowledge when I sin and ask for those around me and for God to forgive me. I want to not to sin but my human characteristics sometimes falter.

Here are a few of my envious thoughts and unwise decisions I made afterwards.

I’m envious of those who say: I’m a daddy’s girl, I’m envious of people who can walk into a crowded room and socialize, I’m envious of people who are great cooks, I’m envious of parents who love to homeschool their own children. And the list goes on…..

Here are some of my responses to Envy: Building up Walls and distancing myself from others, Lying to people about why I can’t go somewhere with them, Talking junk about a person and even saying they are fake after viewing their social media (Oh man I am guilty of this recently), getting mad at someone for something, they had no part in.

In my Journey I have found ways to combat Envy and I hope you will find some of these helpful to you and your journey. 1. First and foremost you must bring it out into the light! Oh this is a hard one for me. Carlton, my husband has pointed this out to me, and that I am grateful. Low-Self-esteem can rear its ugly head in so many ways. Lorie you were….. No I didn’t! No Not ME! (when deep down inside, I know I did and just can’t bare the idea that there is another reason why I’m a horrible human) If you let things fester in the dark the devil will pounce on it and feed into, every ill nature thought you are having.

2. Praying to God about it! Only he can give you wisdom and strength to fight off demons.

3. Tell someone you trust! Oh this is another hard one for me trusting someone that they won’t judge me! What I have learned is most of the time they have felt that exact same way!

4. Go to a Women’s Group! For those of you who may not know me on a personal level. 5 years ago I would have never, I repeat never sat in a circle of women and shared my experiences. Women have always seemed scary to me! I have always steered away from Women, which I know sounds weird since I am one. I have been so fearful of what someone may think that I have missed out of years of fellowship, years of connections. Instead I have made statements that I do not need anyone and built up walls of isolation.

5. Read Scripture: it will guide you, equip you, and give you strength! It’s okay if you can’t quote scripture just open the bible. God will direct your path.

6. Practice Compassion for the other person. Be genuinely happy for this person. Remind yourself that nobody has it all.

7. Give yourself Words of Praise daily, Even if you don’t believe them at first! Here are mine: I am important, I am special, I have a purpose, and by golly I deserve it!

Will I no longer have the emotion Envy: No Not Me!

Will I keep my emotions in the dark, No Not Me!

Can I do life in isolation, No Not Me!

• 

My journey to get closer to God started 3 years ago. My journey has been full of reflections, making connections, and positivity. Something I’ve grown to love.

However what I was not prepared for was a round of depression. I didn’t realize, It’s going to happen… When anxiety/ depression hit I was embarrassed, not wanting to talk to others, etc. I don’t know, I guess a part of me just didn’t want to admit to myself. I didn’t want to admit that my journey was going to take a downhill spiral for no reason, sometimes.

During this phase I kept going to church, I kept serving, I kept going to Women’s group. I didn’t want to, but I did. At women’s group in a discussion about sin I became overwhelmed with emotions. This breakdown made me realize, It’s going to happen.

I read somewhere that experts estimate that the mind thinks between 60,000-80,000 thoughts a day. That’s an average 3,000 thoughts per hour. This statistic is alarming! Patterns of negative or positive self-talk often starts in childhood. Self-talk is a huge part of who we are. It influences our self-worth, what we can achieve in life, how we’re viewed by others, and self-confidence.

Growing up my parents were always very critical of everything I did. How I folded the laundry, how I cooked dinner, how I parked the car, how I laid the wash cloth on the tub, and the list goes on. Its not surprising that my self-talk about my journey has been full of criticism. I think my parents were being critical so that I would be better! I’ve always viewed/confused criticism as my driving force. Criticism= success??

My Journey has been full of Self-talk focused on Criticism.

I do not read the Bible enough.

I do not pray enough.

Do I model to others God’s love all the time?

Am I always growing in my Journey?

So on top of my depression I filled my brain with negative thoughts. I can’t write a blog? I can not help anyone, here when I have fallen off the bike.

And then it happened… God kept sending me messages. On Facebook I read: Just because you’re struggling does not mean you’re failing. In Scripture I read: Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. In my quiet time I heard this, this is why you are perfect! Keep sharing!

So to anyone who needs to hear it: It’s going to happen!

You are going to fall off your bike when you are learning to ride. You are going to need others to help you up! You might even get off the bike for a day or two. You might get your knees all torn up. You might feel like everyone is riding their bike so well! (NO NOT ME).

But in the end all that matters is that you get back on the bike of life!!!

Always making positive growth NO NOT ME! and that is Okay!

• 

I’ve always been fascinated by different perspectives. Is the dress blue or gold? Is the picture of an old or young women? The list goes on and on…..

Perspectives are shaped by our experiences good and bad. Sometimes our perspectives are so engrained in us that we begin to think they are the facts. Perspectives often lead to judging each other. In my journey I have learned that some of my perspectives are actually hurting me and others! I’ve had to take a long hard look in the mirror. Here are two Perspectives that I’m embarrassed to admit but ones that have shaped and altered my interactions, for way too long.

1. Wealthy People are Mean: My mom was a stay at home mom of four girls. I’m not sure how they paid the bills with one paycheck. I went to school with “Country Club people” who made fun of my beat up Buster Browns, my style in clothes and things out of my control. I never understood. Meanwhile I was living in chaos and the last of my worries was my pants. They never saw me! I have struggled with making snapped decisions on “wealthy people”. In seconds of meeting I decide that they are snooty. I let my perspective get in the way and assume that they will be mean, judgmental and not understanding.
2. Apologizes don’t mean anything: I’ve always hated the words I’m sorry. I’m sorry has followed, so many things. So many things that were repeated over and over……. A sorry gives that person in the wrong the ability to feel better, I don’t want them to feel better. Especially when they are just going to do it again. It’s not okay!

Both of these perspectives are wrong! Both of these perspectives are based on the past and not current situations. Our perspectives are often very selfish and based on our past. A true perspective is formed when you are able to look at all angles.

In my journey I’ve had to gut check myself. I’ve gone through phases in my life where I have been focused on my pain so much that I’ve forgotten to think of others. (Can’t fix anything until you look in the mirror) My perspectives are wrong! My perspectives are selfish!

Instead of making quick judgements….. Instead of being selfish.. Instead of seeing things from my perspectives. I need to retrain my brain….

On my Facebook feed today I read this quote: “Lord, empty me of ME so I can be filled with you”. If… I am so focused on me and my perspectives I can’t grow closer to God.

Lord I pray tonight that you help me fight the urge to rely on my faulty perspectives. I pray that I let others see you in me! I pray that when I make mistakes that I don’t let my faults eat away at me, that I use them as stepping stones to grow closer to you!

Am I done growing and changing? NO NOT ME!

In the hustle bustle of life, who doesn’t love a good shortcut? Wether its using Google maps to find the fastest route, to saving Bookmarks on our computer, grocery store pick-up, and the list goes on. However, some things do not have shortcuts.

I have gone through different phases of my life; where I attended church. As an adult it has always been easy to quit going, because I made no close relationships. I went to church on Sunday and that was it. ( I was trying to make a shortcut to getting closer to God)

After a few weeks, months and sometimes years I would start feeling a tug at my heart and I would end up trying to go to church ,again.

I started back to church, but this time it was different. I thought??? I started serving in the Nursery, started building relationships within the church. I wanted to feel complete and a part of me was just confused as ever! I went to counseling and spoke of feeling empty inside and going to church and serving was not helping. We discussed a hole left inside of me. A hole that I filled with Anger and Hurt my whole life. It was scary and I wanted a shortcut to happiness. I felt like I was doing the work, so now what????

I arrive at church for our monthly meeting (for those who serve in Children’s church). The leader passes out an index card with a black circle. She talks about how it’s our job to show the children how to fill their hole with the Holy Spirit or as they grow they will fill it with unholy things/ addictions. At this point in front of everyone I just start crying!! I was a fake! How could I show students how to fill a void when I couldn’t do it for myself?????

I told my therapist what happened. What was I doing wrong? She asked if I felt God’s love, I quickly said No. She said, pray to God everyday asking him to show his love to me. I felt uncomfortable, but I had nothing to loose.

Every morning I would get up read the Bible ask God to show me his love and sit and wait. Everyday, Nothing happened…..

I’m good at being patient, NO NOT ME!

This was taking way too long… Was God Listening? Had he given up on me?

I continued to get up read, pray, and listen. Nothing!

I told my therapist that I felt it wasn’t working she told me to keep the path I just wanted a shortcut!

I was lost, I wanted to quit. I kept going to church, kept serving, kept going to counseling and even started going to a Women’s group. Every morning I read the Bible. asked God to show me his love and waited quietly.

Days went by…. while I was focusing on just one more day… I stopped focusing on the hole and the emptiness, I felt.

Weeks went by and my husband said I was different. I felt different. My hole was Gone! God showed his love by filling my hole! There is no shortcut to spending time with God each day. You just have to do the work! Church is great but its not enough.

What are you trying to take the shortcut on? What awkwardness are you trying to avoid? What work are you trying to get out of?

Shortcuts! NO NOT ME

Are we there yet? NO NOT ME

In life we come to many crossroads: some which are fun, some which are necessary, some which are mandated, and some which are choices.

I have had many decisions in my life when I was still learning, when I was in the height of my addiction, “No Not Me.” As a child attending church weekly and learning how wonderful God was, and then experiencing things, that I felt no child should have to experience. The two didn’t match up! Where was this God? Why did he put me in this place? Was I not worthy of his love? I’m embarrassed to say but, I have had many conversations with God: telling him how disappointed I was in him, telling him I didn’t need him. Convincing, myself that I was unworthy of his love.

In my college years (supposedly the best time of your life) I fell apart, years of trying to hold it together wore me out. I became suicidal. One evening my boyfriend (at the time) got in a fight, which occurred pretty often, but this time was different this time I slapped him. I felt out of control and it scared me. I had to get help, so who did I reach out too, God. I prayed to him that I know I was unworthy. I prayed that if he helped me that I would become a better person, and just maybe become a person who he (God) could love.

The saying that God only gives you what you can handle, I believe is not true. I couldn’t handle this. I couldn’t handle sitting in a room full of people, trying to explain to them that I needed counseling, that I needed the state to pay for my counseling, because I could not afford it as a college student. I couldn’t handle sitting in the first counseling session where my counselor told me he felt it was imperative that I come to him twice a week. You see God did answer my prayers. He gave me strength.

Fast forward a few years…… I always wanted to have kids never had dreams of a beautiful wedding but always felt kids were in my future. So what do I do, marry a man with a Vasectomy. We planned for a reversal the odds were good he was young. I remember the day he had the reversal and the Doctor comes out and says if you believe in prayer start praying because whoever did his surgery did it for good. I was mad at God! Why couldn’t he do this for me. Once again I thought he left me down. Once again I hit another low. I started going back to church I started learning about God and began to question why he wasn’t doing what I wanted. The more I learned the more I realized God had not left me.

After years of hurt and soul searching. I am sitting in my car headed to work and I hear a commercial for NCCRM. A fidelity clinic in Cary North Carolina, something in my gut told me I had to go! Carlton and I went, and doctor Toma said I will get you a child! How could this be? I prayed and prayed he would give me the strength to make it through IVF. I prayed for a child.

God never gave up on me even though I gave up on him! I gave God every reason to leave me and he never did! God does not promise that your life will be easy, but he will never forsake you, even if you forsake him. I pray that whenever you feel at your low, he will give you strength all you have to do is take the step in faith!

I am alone . “NO NOT ME”

Life always goes your way. “NO NOT ME”

• 

•