We all have trials and tribulations in life. We all have times where we try to be super humans. A very hard lesson I’ve had to learn is: “It’s Okay” to ask for help! “It’s Okay” to not be okay!

A meme that I recently came across: Here’s to strong women. May we know them, May we be them, May we raise them. I feel like society focuses on and glorifies strong women. I feel this glorification of strength can cause women to feel like failures when they can’t do it all!

We have all been disappointed by someone. Someone who told us they would do X, Y, and Z and failed to do so. We have all created unrealistic descriptors of how our family and friends should treat us. When people do not live up to my unrealistic expectations. I find myself saying (in my head of course): I should have done it myself, Why did I rely on them?, I got to be stronger, I don’t need ******, and I can do life without them.

I have spent years trying to convince myself that I was some kind of super woman. A women who could overcome anything thrown at me. I’m here to admit, I can’t. This notion that I must be super woman and I must never let anyone know how weak I really am has worn me out.

I remember a conversation a few years ago with my husband. A conversation I had while lying on the bathroom floor rocking back and forth and crying. A conversation where I tried to explain to him how tired I was, of putting this mask of strength on every day. A conversation where I tried to explain how disappointed I was in myself that I couldn’t be this super woman.

I have learned “It’s okay” to not know how to ……. “It’s okay” to need help. “It’s okay” to let others know you are not okay. A strong woman is not one that can do it all. A strong woman is not a person who never asks for help. A strong woman is not someone who builds walls so she won’t get hurt.

To me a Strong Woman is:

• one who share her weaknesses
• one who lets others sees that she is not okay
• one who cries
• one who asks for help
• one who realizes that strength comes from God

Every day I fight old habits. But I no longer want to be a super woman. I want to show others my weaknesses, so that maybe others will feel comfortable to do the same.

I am a Super Woman: NO NOT ME

I can do life without the Holy Spirit: NO NOT ME

“It’s okay” not to be strong!

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The holiday season is a time of year where “NO NOT ME” can run rampit. I have Unrealistic Expectations which leads to anxiety, stress, anger, and hurt around the season and I’m positive I’m not alone!

Here are a few of my Unrealistic Thanksgiving Expectations:

1. The Meal will be cooked to perfection and everyone will enjoy it!
2. Kids will be thankful of such a meal and will volunteer to clean the kitchen
3. After eating “meal of perfection” we will decorate the house and sing Christmas carols.

Turn on the T.V. and watch a Hallmark movie, read a romance novel, and look at Social Media. All these things fuel Unrealistic Expectations. Unrealistic thinking leads you to believe that the reason everything didn’t happen as you “planned”, was because of you!! It leads to disappointments and poor self-esteem.

In my journey of “No Not Me” I have learned:

• Every family has issues
• We all have weaknesses (Mine just happens to be cooking)
• Experiences and time with loved ones is better than any present
• No one remembers how the Turkey tasted in 2009 but they do remember that you were in a bad mood the whole day and how you treated them.

This holiday I’m challenging myself to: Say yes to the Friendsgiving (which in the past I would have turned down), Say yes to playing the game, even though the sink is full of dirty dishes, Say yes to showing others God’s love and the true meaning of Christmas. Say yes to hugs! (This will be a hard one) and Say yes to tears when you are missing family, but then “Building a Bridge and getting over it!”

Unrealistic Expectations “No Not Me”

“Perfect” Thanksgiving Meal “No Not Me”

Being in a bad mood and full of Anxiety all Season long! “No Not Me”

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My mom always told me sayings, as I got ready to go out the door for school. Here are a few of my favorites: Don’t take any wooden nickels, Love you a Bushel and a Peck, and There are problems in Denver.

However, one saying she said that irritated me was Build a Bridge and get over it. Growing up in a house with four girls you can imagine lots of arguments were had. I didn’t understand how to build a bridge and move on. Sure some problems were small and I found ways to maneuver them. But, some were just too large, the stretch was just too big and I didn’t know where, how, or when.

Did you know that it took 4 years to build the Golden Gate Bridge? Building a bridge takes skillful people with the correct tools and years to build.

My mom expected me to Build the Bridge but she never gave me the tools to do so. I was never taught how to communicate effectively, I was never taught how to solve conflicts. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the tools in her tool belt to give me.

I was building bridges with no tools! Often I thought I got over something but weeks later I realized my poorly built bridge broke. My faulty attempts to get over conflicts just created a person full of anger and hurt. These broken bridges became walls of protection. If I let no one in, then I wouldn’t get hurt, Right? Everyone needs someone, “No Not Me??”

Through many years of counseling, life, and fights, I have learned these important tools. 1. Getting upset with someone is healthy, what makes it unhealthy is how you react.

2. Sometimes you need to step away cool down and regroup your thoughts. Things take time.

3. If something you do hurts someone’s feelings, thats their perspective. So honor it!

4. Forgiving someone is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.

5. If someone is upset with you, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you or Respect you.

6. Everyone needs a helping hand! Everyone needs help through life, its unhealthy to distance yourself from others.

7. Pray on it! Pray over it! Pray through it!

Its hard to admit that you can’t do it alone, Its hard to admit, that you do not have the right tools. Its easy to blame others. Its easy to point fingers.

Am I a Failure “No Not Me” I just didn’t have the right tools!

Am I done learning “No Not Me”

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Have you ever felt unlovable?

Have you ever thought I can’t do anything right?

Have you ever blamed yourself, when others around you make bad choices?

Feeling unlovable is the root of my addiction, “No Not Me.” Love is a hard concept to grasp, especially as a child. I remember the first time my son said, I love you. The joy that those 3 words brought me, when in actuality he had no idea what he was saying. As a child love is: * Someone who cooks for you * Someone who makes your cuts and bruises feel better * Someone who buys you things (needs & wants) * Someone who makes you feel safe.

If all of the above statements are met. A child feels loved unfortunately for me, those were not met. I never felt “safe” growing up. Home was were my physical needs were met, but my emotional needs were not. As I share my childhood perspectives be careful of the “No not Me”. I’m sharing my perspectives so that you can truly understand my journey. My Childhood perspectives which spiraled into my addiction:

1. There are wrong and right ways to do things and if you don’t know the right way you must be stupid.
2. Jobs are not things you do to make you happy, they are just the means to pay the bills.
3. Life is hard! Laughter, fun, and smiles should be rare, because Life is hard.
4. Home is not a “safe place” its a place where you learn how to act (By any means necessary).
5. You must be strong! The weak get preyed on.

These perspectives controlled every decision I made about my self worth and my story. Stories are dangerous! Satan fights dirty and he feeds into your lies and keeps you from centering your thoughts on Christ. My story (my perspective) allowed me to develop a distorted thinking which I believed as factual!

Recently I have discovered, that I get to decide whether or not to listen to satan backing up every lie I have ever told myself, or allow the Holy Spirit to give me power to see the truth. The choice seems obvious but it has been far from easy!

I hate the saying when you know better you do better. To me: it gives permission for someone to continue bad behavior, “because they don’t know any better.” Today I challenge you to search for knowledge!!! Nothing Changes without you pushing forward! What perspectives do you have that needs changing?

I pray that each and everyone of you searches for truth! I pray that you allow God to give you the power to control your thinking.

Satan is controlling my thoughts! “NO NOT ME!”

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This blog is my story of how I am fighting the fight of my addiction. My journey as I learn, grow, make mistakes and most importantly learn how to be a Christian. So many of us struggle, with addictions and some of them are easy to identify: drugs, alcohol, gambling, Facebook, and the list goes on.

Definition of an addiction according to Webster: a compulsive chronic physiological or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, behavior or activity having harmful physical, psychological, or social effects. My addiction: NO NOT ME.

“No Not Me” has crept in my life on a daily basis for years! This addiction has caused havoc in every area of my life. Let me give you a few examples of “No Not Me” you may find this pesky addiction in your life. She is so Pretty! “No Not Me” She is so Smart! “No Not me” She has so many friends! “No Not Me” Her family is the best! “No Not Me” I love her long hair and her beautiful dresses! “No Not Me” God loves everyone! “No not me”

This addiction has given me permission to build walls of isolation, permission to not have a relationship with Christ, permission to have anxiety and the list goes on. My hopes in sharing my journey is to help women “Like Me” get past their addictions and realize, we really aren’t that different after all.

My journey is far from over. Its full of emotions, experiences, and mistakes. Am I done growing? No Not Me!